All You Need Is Death (2024) ★½

All You Need Is Death

Overview

LOVE IS A KNIFE WITH A BLADE FOR A HANDLE.

A young couple who collect rare folk ballads discover the dark side of love when they surreptitiously record and translate an ancient, taboo folk song from the deep, forgotten past.

Review

Interesting premise, but a mess of a film. The acting was solid and Simone Collins has a beautiful voice, but nothing else in this film really stood out. The horror was muted unless you’re frightened of shadowy ink blots. The plot was rather dull, leading to an ending which was a rather disappointing reveal.

Overall, All You Need Is Death was rather pointless. About as pointless as me finishing this review with an ancient, taboo Irish folk song about a movie that sucked…

(Verse 1)

In a land of cinema, far and wide,
There’s a tale of a film that we can’t abide.
It was meant to soar, but it crashed and burned,
A flick so dire, oh, how it churned!

(Chorus)

Oh, don’t you dare speak its name,
For it brought us nothing but shame.
A movie so dreadful, we can’t help but sigh,
Let’s sing its woes ‘neath the Irish sky.

(Verse 2)

From Hollywood’s glitz to the Emerald Isle,
Came this disaster, we can’t reconcile.
With actors miscast and a plot so thin,
Watching it once was surely a sin.

(Chorus)

Oh, don’t you dare speak its name,
For it brought us nothing but shame.
A movie so dreadful, we can’t help but sigh,
Let’s sing its woes ‘neath the Irish sky.

(Bridge)

The critics panned it, the fans cried foul,
As it stumbled and tumbled with every growl.
But amidst the wreckage, we found a jest,
For bad movies, too, can put us to the test.

(Verse 3)

So here’s to the film that missed the mark,
A cautionary tale, a flick so stark.
Let’s raise a glass and bid it adieu,
May its memory fade, as bad movies often do.

(Chorus)

Oh, don’t you dare speak its name,
For it brought us nothing but shame.
A movie so dreadful, we can’t help but sigh,
Let’s sing its woes ‘neath the Irish sky.

Rating: ★½ (out of 5)

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